


Healing Incantation

by Madness_of_Xara



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Feels, Fluff, M/M, Sad philip, a little sad, angry philip, philip feels a lot of guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 21:52:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14121597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madness_of_Xara/pseuds/Madness_of_Xara





	Healing Incantation

A reflection in the mirror can be deceiving.

Philip saw only a husk of a man when he passed his own reflection. A husk that had wanted nothing more than to be free. A husk that had only done one wrong and was condemned for the rest of eternity for it.

No, he reminded himself sadly each time he stopped to look.

Just because he wasn't aware of the other wrongs he had committed didn't mean that he hadn't committed them. How many people had Azarov made him kill before he found out? How many poor people were tucked away in the trunks of those cars Philip crushed over the years? How many lives tainted the Wraith's hands without his knowing?

He refused to lift his eyes anymore.

So deeply broken up inside, he couldn't bring himself to think too much on it anymore.

All those tears over the span of eternity, they all seemed so pointless to him now. Those tears wouldn't bring back the poor souls he had wronged. He would have loved to done right by them, but...

He never even got the chance.

But Evan, bless him, he thought Philip the sweetest thing.

He didn't know how Philip ever came to be in the Entity's service, but he didn't seem to care. He thought him kind and well, a calming presence amidst the chaos. He was always there when Evan and the others needed him. He always seemed to know how to calm everyone down when they got too riled up, and really, he was the only one who could make sense of  _everyone_ , Michael included. Everyone went to him when they were upset or angry or just somewhere in between.

Nobody ever thought that Philip would need it too.

He was literally resting against a tree and shaking, hugging his knees and breathing hard. He always got like that after a Trial, and he usually hid himself well enough so as to not be found or bothered. But when Evan found him, he shut down entirely, hugging his knees painfully tight to his chest and panting rapidly.

When Evan touched him, he lashed out, screeched, attacked him...

The look of shock on Evan's face had been enough to bring Philip back to reality.

He spent what felt like hours in the larger man's arms, sobbing and pawing him, the guilt and pain too much for him to shoulder anymore.

Evan made it a point to seek out the male after every Trial just to check on him.

When Philip blew up on Michael, everyone was shocked, even Michael. Granted, Philip blowing up was mostly him gesturing wildly and angrily, but it was enough to get his point across when they were able to translate some parts of it. _'_ _Not everyone can be like you and be happy with killing_ _!'_ and  _'I'm not like you! I hate it here and I would rather suffer a thousand deaths over_ _!'_ were just a couple of things they understood. When he started crying, that was when it really set in for the others.

While most of them were seasoned murderers and had long since come to terms with it, Philip never wanted anything to do with it. The one time he did it willingly was out of pure and utter rage. Not out of a need to teach a lesson; not because he didn't understand what he was doing; not because he thought he was doing his victim a favor; not because it was all he knew how to do; not because it was the only thing he  _could_ do to save himself; not because he was insane and sadistic; not because he wanted to for the thrill; not because he was trying to protect what was his; not because he was evil in the guise of kindness; and  _certainly_ not because he served someone else.

He did it because he had been fooled and he had gotten angry over it.

He did it  _because Azarov never told him what he had been doing_.

Philip had come to the country for a better life, for a new beginning. He had turned a blind eye to the shady workings of his workplace, not having wanted to mess up what he had been given. After all, it was a job, a way of making money so that he could survive.

_'I shouldn't have done that...'_

It was all Philip would sign after blowing up the way he did.

It had so many meanings to him. He shouldn't have turned a blind eye. He shouldn't have lost his temper on Azarov.  _He shouldn't have blown up on Michael_.

He had hid himself away for a long time after that.

Nobody knew where he had gone or where he had hid away. Every time they got close, Philip would leave and find somewhere new to seclude himself.

Even Evan had been pushed away.

Philip didn't feel that he was welcome among his fellow killers, not after what he did. When he left for a Trial, he wasn't expecting anyone to be waiting for him.

But Evan had been.

He didn't give the Wraith a chance to run and hide. He had dashed after him and caught him in a tight grip hug, growling at him to stop pushing the lot of them away and let them help.

"Whatever you did, Philip, I don't care. You could have kicked a puppy and the Entity thought it the most evil thing you ever done did, the fuck if I know, and the fuck if I care," Evan had growled lowly. "It's obvious you hate doing this, and it's also pretty damn obvious that you're hurtin'. Now, you listen to me, and you listen good. I care about you more than anything else, you got that? And seeing you shut yourself away fuckin' hurts. Not only me, but I think you even got Michael worried 'boutcha. Freddy's been waitin' on ya in the Dream World because he has something right amazing planned for ya, and we're all going to be a part of it. You, me, Max, Amanda, all of us. You hear? Now, come on." With that, Evan dragged Philip to where the others had been waiting, some already passed out on the cold hard ground. Evan grunted as he laid down, holding down a squirming Philip in the process. "Oh, stop your belly achin' and sleep," he grunted. After a few moments, Philip slowed to a halt, huffing.

Evan had been right in what Freddy had planned.

Freddy had set up a sort of pleasant party for them all. There were meats of  _all_ kinds - can't let a single guest go hungry, after all, Freddy had smirked - and there was a cake and even some pudding set up. And why, wasn't that Max's moonshine?

Philip had teared up some at the sight.

They had all worked together to set this up for him.

It was some sort of semblance of normalcy.

A thing that was severely lacking in the Nightmare realm.

He made sure to hug each and every single one of them, saving Evan for last as he wanted to kiss the man for making him come after all.

It wouldn't rid Philip of the guilt, but...

At least he had friends who cared enough to help him deal with it.


End file.
